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I SEE GREEN!
Not just inside, either. Because it’s April! The grass is finally visible and the garden has some lil flowers poppin up and my shoulders are finally relaxing after a long, isolating winter.
By the way, please be impressed by the fact that this **thriving** monstera plant was sent to me two years ago by our friends Alex and Sonja. Not only was it a miracle in and of itself that I was able to revive it after an extended sit in a USPS package in the hot sun on the front steps while we were on vacation (doh), but I have now successfully pruned, repotted, and kept it growing new leaves for exactly 728 days. That is not an exaggeration. Literally 728 days. Thank you for your applause.
Okay, coffee date. Here’s what we’re chatting about today:
- Breastfeeding Recap
- Favorite Squishy Feeder
- Mozzarella-Stuffed Arancini
- Overalls are Back!
- My New Essential Clean Mascara
Today I’m drinking a decaf vanilla almond latte (standard) and eating those sugary-salty dark chocolate almonds from Trader Joe’s because I have a real problem.
What’s in your glass today?
Cheers. Here’s to April!
Can We Please Talk About Breastfeeding
Okay, one person did, in fact, ask me to talk about this.
Breastfeeding Recap:
- 0-2 months: Breastfeeding is lovely, natural, awesome. I am proud of us, I am proud of myself, I feel like we got so lucky to have so few issues. We’ve been given the thumbs up from lactation consultants and Solvi’s doctor – she’s gaining weight, her latch is great, milk supply is awesome. We got this. Breastfeeding in public? Easy and convenient, no cover needed. I don’t even think twice about it.
- 3-4 months: UM WHAT HAPPENED. Breastfeeding has fallen apart. Every three hours we sit down to try again and it is extremely stressful. There is (baby) screaming, there is (mom) fighting back tears, there are bottles given in desperation. The mere thought of breastfeeding in public now gives me hives. I consider quitting altogether. “Whatever you do, don’t be stressed,” they say. Because the best way to help someone not be stressed is sound the alarm that they might be too stressed? I start to get snarky. I feel so guilty – am I doing something wrong? shouldn’t I be good at this? – and I am so deeply, deeply sad that my baby loves a bottle more than she loves me. (False reasoning, but you get the idea.) We try lots and lots of things, but none of them seem to help. At one point a very well-meaning lactation consultant suggests that maybe Solvi is struggling because I’ve gone back to work. Cue deep shame spiral.
- 5-7 months: Slowly things get better, but not for any clear reason. And now breastfeeding is… just breastfeeding. It’s not perfect. There are frustrating moments – Solvi is squirmy and distracted, she latches on and off, she doesn’t always like how I’m holding her. But she’s gaining weight (like, a lot of it) and she’s generally happy. And I’m generally happy. I am still not comfortable enough to breastfeed out in the open for dislike of nursing covers and fear that she will not stay put long enough to keep me from exposing too much. But I have moments where she’s in my tucked up in my lap at home and all is right in the world and I think, yes. Okay. This.
So there you have it. I am grateful that we’ve made it this far – I could have never made it if not for a very supportive husband, several excellent lactation consultants, and friends and family with years of experience answering SOS text messages in the middle of the night.
Note: We give Solvi a bottle every night before bed. It’s something we started during the 3-4 month Desperation Phase – not intentional, just survival – but it has just become a standard part of our routine. I get a break, she gets time with Dad, and then when we have a babysitter, she’s still able to “keep her routine.”
Another note: I know it’s kind of the diagnosis of the day, but we (me, and our pediatrician) suspect that Solvi has/had some silent reflux that contributed to the 3-4 month Desperation Phase. In case you were wondering.
What has YOUR breastfeeding (or bottle feeding, or formula feeding) journey been like? Any fellow silent refluxers? I would love to hear your experiences.
How Much Do I Love This Squishy Feeder
Okay, on a much easier note, this squishy feeder* is my favorite thing ever.
I know people are really excited about baby led weaning right now (aka giving young babies grabbable chunks of food rather than purees) but I am not one of those moms and I just know that about myself. I actually really enjoy the whole process: making the purees, interacting while feeding, etc. and I would happily spoon-feed her until the time when she’s ready for solid food at, say, 15 years old.
Okay, okay. Obviously a girl’s gotta learn to feed herself.
This little squishy feeder – can we just call it that? – is a happy middle ground for me. She can happily feed herself avocado, banana, peaches, etc. by mushing on the little top part and I don’t worry about her choking. ♡ Because believe it or not, I am a professional worried person! Shocking.
Heck Yes To Mozzarella Stuffed Arancini
And on the adult food front.
I made arancini with roasted red pepper sauce for dinner club last month and IT WAS LIT! The word “lit” has never actually come out of my mouth but when speaking about golden, crispy, panko-crusted deep fried mozzarella-stuffed fried risotto balls dipped in an olive-oily roasted red pepper sauce, what other word could there even be?
This is the arancini recipe I used.
(Full dinner club menu: pesto wings, arancini, Italian soda and wine, roasted Parmesan and lemon broccoli, sausage and fennel rigatoni which has previously inspired date night pasta, and lemony cheesecake.)
I need to plan our next menu, like, today, actually. Got any ideas?
Overalls Are Baaaaack
My eighth grade self is FEELING THIS right now. And honestly, so is my 32 year old self. Welcome back, overalls. Welcome back.
I just bought a pair of fresh ones last week (These are the ones I bought*) and I feel very happy about it.
I haven’t decided on shoes yet, and the model is wearing clogs but I’m not sure I’m a clogs kinda girl. So… I’ve got some work to do.
Overalls – yes / never again?
This Honest Mascara Is Something Magical
I have very little in the way of REAL eyelashes, and I have super sensitive eyes. So I have been on the hunt for quite some time for a mascara that is:
A) Natural
B) Very, very effective
And after all that I’ve tried (Beautycounter, 100 Percent Pure, Pacifica, to name a few), I gotta say – this Honest mascara + primer (affiliate link) is probably my favorite mascara I’ve ever used. Plus it’s clean. And $15. And can be picked up on a Target run.
I also snagged some Honest foundation primer, “blurring powder”, and face lotion (hello, sale) and I’m super impressed with all of it.
Clean beauty: Honest / Beautycounter / something else? Tell me what you like. (Also, I did a little demo on my Instagram stories over here if you wanna see this mascara in action.)
A Word From Sage
Sage has had a busy month doing… not a lot!
But she’s got a buddy now, and she wants to remind you that almost everything in life (including doing nothing) is better with a buddy.
That’s it! I hope it’s been an energized, springy month for you. And I hope you can find hope and love and courage in whatever challenges you’re facing right now. And I hope you have been putting a lot of extra cheezy garlic croutons on your kale and brussels salad.
These are the days!
I had a similar breastfeeding journey and I think my son has silent reflux too (and was definitely a “happy spitter”) the squirminess def makes it so hard especially feeding in public (I also hate covers). I have no real advice just solidarity and the fact that I breastfed to 15 months! You got this girl! And THANK YOU for the Honest mascara review, I’ve been switching to all natural makeups and am constantly looking for recommendations!
For what it’s worth, when I was nursing I would wear a loose tee and a cami tank underneath that I could pull down while I was nursing. I felt really covered for public feeding, he couldn’t push off a cover, and he didn’t get hot. If they pull away your tee keeps you covered.
LOVE the overalls – also excited about their comeback, also love them with your TOMS 🙂
Keep up the amazing work with the BFing also – it’s tough when they get older and distracted! I had a micro-preemie (24 weeker) with awful silent reflux for the first 8 or 9 months. We held her upright after she ate and burped her gently. When she started solid foods she was a lot more comfortable eating – it helped to hold it all down!
Happy early Mothers Day!
Anya
OH man, I hear you on the breastfeeding struggles. My little guy was the worst distracted nurser after 5 months. Now he is a busy 13 months old and while I never expected to be one to go beyond a year, breastfeeding has become one of the few quiet and calm moments I get with him. Also enjoy the puree stage while it lasts! My son decided he had enough with purées at 9 months and became a self feeder after that. While it’s nice to finally have my hands free so I can eat at the same time, he has recently entered a more selective stage of eating and getting veggies into him is not as easy as it once was.
I love these updates! I have no comments related to BF, but I am definitely going to need to try Honest mascara now. I love Beautycounter for my other makeup products, but the struggle is real to find a good mascara, so this one is going in my cart next time I’m at Target!
Breastfeeding is somehow my favorite and least favorite thing ever. Simultaneously. My first had a super easy start, and then had a dairy intolerance/allergy, which resulted in a month on special formula while I pumped to keep my supply and get dairy out of my system. After that baby girl loved bottles more than nursing, but we managed to have an ok nursing relationship till about 15 months. With my second all I wanted was a baby who liked to nurse. And now I have an 11 month old who reluctantly takes bottles, but is a super distracted nurser and I have a dwindling supply because I hate pumping at work but he just won’t take to formula!! The grass is always greener. Why can’t feeding a baby be more straightforward and less emotional? It’s crazy!
Great coffee date! Y’all are adorable.
Thank you for being open about your experience with breastfeeding! I am a new mom myself and it is encouraging to hear other moms successes and struggles. My daughter and I have had our own and it can feel so lonely at times, so I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share! 🙂 Also I have that mascara in my cart on my Target app! So excited to try!
First, Solvi is Adorable!!!! Second, Breastfeeding is something I truly felt was a blessing for me, but it is clearly not for everyone. I breastfed my boy and girl until they were two. I found that it was harder for me to stop breastfeeding than it was for them, as they were busy toddlers. The most valuable part of BF is the first month where they get the colostrum super powers, after that, it is just a matter of convenience. My kids refused the bottles which made it really tough to leave them with a babysitter to go anywhere. That said, I wish everyone would stop comparing themselves to others, and just go with what works for them. Listen to your own gut, you are on your own journey.
Thank you for sharing your BF journey! Our little one is the same age and it has been a struggle as well. I was prepared for some struggles but not for the sadness and stress! I think pre-baby me would not understand. But you are right about the moments when everything is going well 🙂 worth all of it!
Oh man, I love reading about everyone’s breastfeeding experiences! I also hate nursing covers, but got this nursing wrap that seemed more tolerable: https://weareamma.com/. I haven’t been brave enough to bf in public yet (I’m 2 months in), but am hoping that this will help when I decide to finally do it!
Breastfeeding in the beginning was so hard! The first 4 months were rough for us. After that it was smooth sailing. For me, I realized I had to be in a place where I was extremely relaxed. Stress and breastfeeding scientifically do not go together (cortisol takes over and prolactin isn’t being pumped out). Which is also probably why the first 4 months were the hardest, because I was under a lot of stress. We are 13 months in now and I could keep breastfeeding her for years.
The photo of dog and baby is fantastic!!
Breastfeeding was different with all 4 of my kids, and I was happiest with #4, because I had a much more laid-back approach and nothing was black and white, or on or off the table. I also didn’t fuss as much about covering up with the last one – I guess I just don’t care as much anymore about anything! Ha!
Lindsay,
I’ve had similar experiences with breastfeeding! The first three months were great. Then I went back to work and baby girl refused the bottle (even though we had introduced it at week 6), so she’d eat 3-7 oz when I was gone for 14 hours! She had some sort of delayed nipple confusion for a bit and would refused breastfeeding some days. Super stressful and hurtful. Eventually she figured out that she could just wake up at night and eat all night…and she still wakes up 1-3 times night to eat now, at almost 8 months! The pediatrician said that her weight is fine and I can wean the night time feedings, but…she won’t be little forever..right?!
Also, now that she is alert to the world, breastfeeding anywhere but the nursery is pretty complicated as she gets very distracted…As for nursing covers, it worked when baby couldn’t pull at it…so like 7 months ago! 🙂
Funny how I always heard and imagines that breastfeeding was so “natural,” it ironically takes a lot of work to get it going and keep it going.
Anyways, sounds like you’re doing an amazing job! Keep it up, mama!
– Lavinia
I tried the Honest mascara today and really liked it! Has anyone tried any of the other Honest Beauty skin care products at Target? I’m curious about their serum and moisturizer. I use Oil of Olay now and would love to find an alternative.
I am so proud of you for the mom you are and for sharing your challenges. I am a grandma now but remember those days all too well. We can read all the books in the world, but when we become parents, it is all new. Each baby is different, parents are different and our situations are different. All we can do is the BEST we can. You are amazing and such a great example to so many people for your strength, talent, perseverance, and transparency. You are the best! The only breast feeding advice I can give is, do it as long as it works. There are no cut and dry rules. What works for you is the best and again, you are doing your best.
Thanks for sharing your breastfeeding experience! We had our peanut last August and it was a very trying and emotional experience with breastfeeding. Started with latching issues so we used a nipple shield but then she was only able to feed with the shield (which they said was only a short term solution), then tongue tie issues, reflux, etc. There were lots of tears and visits with lactation consultants and an overwhelming feeling of failure for not being able to figure it out with my babe. Milk production was never an issue (so grateful for this) so between months 2-3 I switched to exclusively pumping and bottle feeding and I’m at peace with this – she is fed and very healthy and happy, and that’s what is most important. Talking with other moms has helped and I appreciate hearing different experiences – at the end of the day we’re all trying to do our best and it can be HARD, and no one path is right. From one new mom to another, you’re doing amazing and your little one is absolutely the sweetest <3 And yay for squishy feeders and not having to worry about choking! Cause of course I don’t make sure any bites of food are smaller than a pin needle for fear of this… 😉
My daughters are grown, but I was so determined. I was working as a nurse and brought a double breast pump to work, which I did in my head nurse’s office during lunch (helps to be friends with the boss!). I had mastitis once – painful! And engorgement, which was relieved immediately when I woke the baby to feed. You could just feel the breast emptying – amazing. So glad I had a consultant. I really believe if we had our grandmas and great grandmas around to adivse us, motherhood would be much easier and less scary. Sadly, it’s being lost and fear has taken over. Your little girl looks so much like you! She’s a doll!
Oh, gods above. I made it to just before six months before my milk production conked out and I was so torn between being guilty and being GLAD. Breastfeeding is NO JOKE! And pumping just plain sucks. And seeing how much my little man chomps on things with all his teeth, I’m so glad it’s a bottle and not me. Thanks for sharing your journey!
Try coveredgoods nursing covers. They are amazing!!! It saved me with my 3rd child. They are very soft, comfortable, and stretchy. They literally cover everything
I feel you when it comes to the challenges of breastfeeding. I breastfed my first for 2+ years and second for 2 years. My daughter had really bad colic so I ended up doing the Breastfeeding Diet which basically took out gluten, dairy, soy and nuts and it was like magic. My daughter’s colic completely disappeared. Then, my doctor told me to just puree her fruits and some veggies raw and that really helped her digestion too. I would make all kinds of raw pureed foods and she loved them all! In addition, she started teething at around 3 months with a very thick drool and sure enough, she had her first tooth come out at just 4 months! Yes, 4 months! My pediatrician was shocked! Also, every time I would eat citrus, curry or anything spicy, both my kids would get a really bad rash on their bottom. I was so happy to have spicy food again after nursing was over. If was a beautiful bonding time but I learned that whatever I ate affected my kids health. With my second, I found out that he was completely intolerant to gluten. If I ate gluten, he had a rash all over his body. I ended up doing an elimination diet to figure that out. I found that eating kefir and cultured foods really helped my second sons health a lot while I was nursing him. I hope this provides some insight and I wish you all the best in Mommyhood and nursing! I have loved following your journey all these years. I have your photography workshop on my bucket list 🙂 One of these days I look forward to joining your class. Xoxo, Ester
You’re doing great! Solvi is amazing! Mother of three here. With respect to breastfeeding, each baby is SO different! They all have their quirks. Sometimes it works like a dream, sometimes less so. Each of my three was very different in this respect. Some babies go on a “nursing strike” at one point. Some get over it, and some don’t. Some refuse milk that has been previously frozen (it alters taste). It is a brand new journey for each nursing couple.
I am a devoted beautycounter user for skincare and makeup- but their mascara really isn’t good at all. I really like Arbonne mascara- and their “clean” standards are high like BC. I also really like Tarte mascara which is vegan but not sure about their standards. And I have heard that Thrive Causmetics mascara is a game changer!
You are rocking those overalls Lindsay!!!! DEFINITELY a big welcome back to those awesome things – not everyone can pull them off, but you smash ’em girl😉
I’m not a mom (and never breastfed…obvious conclusion) but I hear mostly struggle stories from my friends. I think it is more rare to not have issues. I am LOVING that overalls are coming back and need to find a pair. And I absolutely love that you always include Sage updates.