Those little feet ‼️
For about three weeks in June (where did that month go?), Bjork and I had a house full of little friends, little hands, little feet.
What?! I know. IT WAS A BIG DEAL. And I’m not even being sarcastic.
I alluded to our new guests a few times in random recipe posts last month, because I can’t not write about personal stuff when I am supposed to be writing about food. 💅🏽 But I never really explained what that was or how it all went down.
I intended to publish this story + reflections post right after the kids left at the end of the month, before we took off for New Orleans. But then life happened, including my typical trip preparation procrastinatory habits and a general rawness from the whirlwind of just having gained and lost three little ones, and it was just too much to actually hit publish. So I wrote half a post and saved it for a time when I could actually handle it.
And I think this morning is that time.
These three kiddos came to stay with us through a placement with an organization called Safe Families. We very naively agreed to host them for a month – and I say naively because 1) OH HEY THERE no parenting experience – Naive with a capital N; 2) small house; and 3) kids ages: four, three, and one.
HELLO, HI, WOW.
We knew this would be a Big Deal – I used to be a teacher, and I specialized in pre-primary education, and have spent many many summers of my life nannying and doing all that stuff that makes you feel like you should be ready to take on something that’s a Big Deal. And we were excited about it. Obviously, we were about as ready as you can be for any Big Deal thing, which essentially means we thought we were mostly ready and envisioned sweet afternoons playing outside and fun field trips to the zoo. And then we realized about two minutes into the experience that, in fact, you can probably never be ready for things that are a Big Deal.
Three weeks, three kids, lots of lessons learned. Lessons in the sense of those things you don’t know that you don’t know until you know them.
As you can guess because so many of you are light years ahead of me in this smart-caregiving-adult game, we had some fun times and some hard times and some OMG WHAT times, and I learned a great many things during our time as Safe Families hosts.
1. I Am Not Above Frozen Chicken Nuggets.
At the top of the list. Let’s just say there were multiple occasions over the last few weeks when this lesson made its mark on my life. GOODBYE. Leaving now. 👋🏽
2. When The Going Gets Tough, Showers Become Optional.
Makeup? Hair? Cleanliness? What’s that again? I was pushed to new heights in this department and now I know that, in fact, the world will not end if I wear my unwashed hair in a braid for the third consecutive day in a row.
3. Fruit Snacks = Everything.
Think of any problem in the whole wide world. Now think about fruit snacks. YOUR PROBLEM: SOLVED. We owe our collective survival as a motley crew of 5 to those beloved generic brand dinosaur fruit snacks.
4. Sage Wins At Life.
Srsly tho. This snuggly girl wore stickers all over her back like a champ, held her head still enough for a crown made of Legos, and slept next to the crib until the little one fell asleep like the most precious dog that she is. The amount of love I have for our fur bb is just completely absurd and irrational and soul-deep. Thank you, Sagey, for helping us be good hosts.
5. We Are Only As Strong As Our Support System.
Acts of awesomeness that we got to experience over these last few weeks:
- gifts of borrowed strollers, cribs, toys, and sippy cups (okay, fine, I might have sort of snagged the sippy cup from a friend who forgot it at our house but STILL)
- warm meals delivered to our front door and homemade fudge stuffed into our fridge – one of us stayed strong on the sugar free commitment in that moment and it was not me
- late night texts and emails from friends with one thousand emojis, gifs, and other morale boosters
- carseat swapping when safety and car behavior issues came up – complete with a full install of said carseat into our car, because, as you might remember, WE’RE CLUELESS
- playdates with family and friends, which could also be called chase-them-around-and-let-them-touch-everything-in-your-house dates
You guys. We would not have made it through intact if not for these incredible our friends’ and families’ generosity, hospitality, and willingness to get right up in the messiness of life with us. It makes me weepy as I sit here with my coffee and look at this screen and think about what that really means in a real life, real people way.
What a profound gift to have people in your life who are not afraid to not just wave and say hi from the shore but actually walk with you out into the deepest water.
6. Hard Things Are Hard.
Bjork and I had this conversation late one night (er, wait, 9:30pm? is that late? my internal bedtime clock is really wonky right now) about how much we want to be a part of “good things” that really matter, but how good things are often hard. And yet we try to do them while somehow expecting the hard things to not be hard… because they’re good.
PS. Imagine this line of reasoning being spoken to you by an overtired person who is on the brink of – no, is actually crying – and probably has a shmear of yogurt on her shorts and a few leftover Goldfish cracker crumbs in her hair, and is wearing the same clothes going on three days now, and you’ve just experienced a moment of Bjork’s life. Luckeeeee.
Bottom line: hard things are hard, and that’s not necessarily bad. In that late night moment, I made a conscious decision to let this experience be hard, and to not let the fact that it was hard take away from its value as a learning experience or as an opportunity to show love or my value as a person. It’s okay to let hard things be hard.
7. Humor. Humor. Humor.
Every night, Bjork would spend about an hour (that’s being conservative – probably more like 90 minutes) managing the bedtime routine for one of our little friends.
And every night, he would send me these ridiculous self-depricating texts from our bedroom, where little friend was camped out, because – well, it’s just too much to even get into – let’s just say sleeping bags were involved, and why are sleeping bags so shiny and slippery? FYI to the sleeping bag people: we’re trying to contain squiggly kids here, thank you very much.
Anyways. So began our nightly routine of sending gifs representing the range of emotions one might experience during bedtime, emoji-only conversations, and pictures of pugs in costumes because PUGS IN COSTUMES.
I would silent belly laugh out in the kitchen (our only non-kid occupied space left in the house with no doors to contain the noise) and my internal batteries would recharge instantly.
We would not have survived without humor. A quick (adult) cry followed by self-depricating jokes. A frustrating moment and then a pug in a costume. This = survival.
8. We’re All Just Doing The Best We Can.
As Glennon says, there are no good days with kids, just good moments. And even with the good moments, we really struggled with this new routine. There were so many times I’d be out in public really having a hard time (well, straight up failing, if we get right down to it) managing to look normal and nice and mostly just normal.
A few days into the placement, I took two of the kids to the park and right away I noticed a dad who was obviously upset with one of his little guys, trying to get everyone in his young family back to the car in one piece. And where I might have otherwise wondered what their deal was, on this day my first thought was: YOU’RE AWESOME AND GOOD JOB, DAD. I wanted to run over and hug him (see above note about struggling to look normal). After this experience, I’d like to think that I have a better understanding and empathy and appreciation for what people are going through specific to herding around the littles – I mean, in a very, very distant, tried-on-the-shoes-for-two-seconds kind of way.
We’re all just doing the best we can, right? From the exhausted and dedicated teachers and parents, to the neighbors who show up at 10pm on a Tuesday to help install an escape-proof carseat, to the Target cashier who tries to distract the girls from eating all the candy in the checkout lane during an emergency run for diapers.
People are pretty crazy and awesome.
It was hard to say goodbye, and also, it was time. The kids were missing their mom, Bjork and I were hanging in there (aka eating frozen chicken nuggets and not showering), and there had been a few days of back and forth transitioning at the end of our time together that made it feel like everyone was ready for things to get to a place of normalcy.
Lots of our friends have asked why we would ever do this and if we will do it again.
I don’t know if I have a good answer for either question.
One phrase I always think about is something I heard at our church a few years ago relating to hospitality in the truest sense: who has access to your fridge?
My heart and soul wants to say that anyone can have access to my fridge, including these three kiddos – just give me a second to switch out the Bai5 and the spicy noodles for those seriously awesome applesauce pouches real quick. I like to think that I’m open-handed with my stuff, my life, my time, that my fridge is open to anyone. This experience, in theory, was sort of a manifestation of that desire to really live out what I feel about that in my heart and soul.
But then there’s the reality: it was actually really hard to have three new people live with us. It did not feel comfortable or normal a lot of the time. It was good, sweet, soulful moments speckled into three weeks of uncomfortable, not-sure-if-we’re-doing-this-right messiness.
So I have my mind, saying that yes! of course, my fridge is open to anyone, and I have my favorite shirt stained with snot and ketchup reminding me that actually living out that mind-heart-soul belief is not easy. Or clean. And it definitely doesn’t smell good.
That’s not really an answer, but that’s my answer.
A quick word about comments and vulnerability: I’m actually terrified to publish this post, much less leave comments open. My heart is racing. The internet has made me into this weird of a person, you guys. 🙈
I find that whenever I go into deeper, more personal territory than the normal food blog YUMMYYYY SO GOOD! stuff, there’s a high chance – no, there’s basically a guarantee – that someone will misinterpret my intent, or something I said, and feel the need to let me know what they think about it in a screen-to-screen way.
So it feels weird to ask you to be gentle with your comments, but I’ll just say this – can we view comments as a face-to-face, not a screen-to-screen? I do want to hear from you. I NEED to hear from you, which is why I am ultimately leaving the comments open. You keep me encouraged, and equally as important – you keep me humble, letting me know when I might have made a mistake. And I really do need that. But just so you know, I am also a real person who has been known to be overly sensitive and is deeply affected by your comments. *puts giant target on back* 🎯😱😂
We’re all just doing the best we can, right? Bloggers and commenters alike.
Thank you for reading this post. It sounds cliche, but I really appreciate the fact that we can share stories and life together. It’s more than just a screen thing to me. ♡
Let’s end with a picture of Sage because she’s really just everything. 🐶⭐️🏆🐶⭐️🏆🐶⭐️🏆
Want to read about more life stuff? Click here!
This is just such a heartwarming and thought provoking post! Thank you for sharing the ups and downs of your hosting journey with us. I know I’m coming to this post a little late, but I only found your blog a few months ago. This week I’ve been babysitting my 9 year old nephew while his mom was at work during 3 memorable snow days. We spent the entire time putting together an oral report that he had 59 days to complete and “forgot” to tell his adults about. Today is his first day back at school and I didn’t get out of my pajamas or spend much time adulting at all lol! I’m really sympathizing with your “messy” assessments and just wanted to say that you and Bjork count as heroes in my book. People take everyday situations for granted and say it’s not life and death, but to be honest dying is the easy part of life and death. Living the everyday struggles with integrity is so much harder. Congrats on an amazing job!
I haven’t followed your journey this past month, only just read this last post. What a beautiful testimony of following after Jesus. Thanks for sharing.
I’m going to say the same thing to you that you wish you could have said to the dad at the park: Good job!
I missed this post in July due to vacation but am glad I came upon it now, thanks to your 2015 screw-up post. It’s so awesome that you did this! We are trying to find new ways to contribute, to help…this nails it. Difficult, yes, but you did something tangible & it truly made a difference for this family.
Thanks for sharing the link to Safe Families. We’ll check it out and see if we can be brave & jump in with two feet (taking in 6 feet :)) like you did. Writing a check to a charity organization is a simple task (which–check writers–is amazing to do, by the way! No knocks there) but this…well, this is truly incredible. Thanks for doing it & the inspirational post about your experience!
Ugly crying here!! Thank you for sharing this. Everyone can eat out of my fridge!!!!!
Love all your recipes but this post hit me in an especially meaningful place. Thanks for sharing the other dimensions of your life with us — and for being transparent through it all.
I’ll be pondering your words: “Hard things are hard, and that’s not necessarily bad.”
Absolutely loved your post Lindsay! Made me think/laugh out loud all at the same time. What a great experience that must have been, thanks for sharing!
Wow… thank you for this truth. This post about summed up the first month of parenthood for me and I was bringing home one little baby. Seriously- you are speaking truth in this post (just insert cheesesticks and premade pbj’s instead of chicken nuggets and the emotions were on target for the Big Deal of new parenting for me). LOVE the Big Deal section. Wise. So. Very. Wise. Thanks for doing it and sharing your heart.
I’m tearing up reading this because we are just starting day 3 of our 2-3 MONTH Safe Families hosting. 2 kiddos to add to our 3 and I resonate with so much of this and I ALREADY HAVE KIDS and “experience”. It’s so dang hard. But I’m claiming this, “Bottom line: hard things are hard, and that’s not necessarily bad. In that late night moment, I made a conscious decision to let this experience be hard, and to not let the fact that it was hard take away from its value as a learning experience or as an opportunity to show love or my value as a person. It’s okay to let hard things be hard.” Thank you.
Lots of love to you Christie! By now you are probably in Day 12 and (fingers crossed) things are settling into a new, temporary state of “normal.” Nothing easy about this. Hang in there and thank you for your comment! We’re in this together, even if it’s through a computer screen. 🙂
So glad this post was encouraging to you. I will pass along your sweet comment to Lindsay!
What an amazing thing you have done. What a difference you have made in 3 little lives and countless others who have watched from afar. Hearing nothing but bad things in the news, it was so good to hear of peopel that still have heart and soul for others. Bless you!
I’m writing this comment far too late, I’m thinking you all may never see it- and that’s okay. Because I really hope you know that for every flesh and blood individual in your RL support system, I think there are probably three to five of us ghostly interweb friends who think you and Bjork are the cat’s pajamas and are truly glad to share the planet with you.
My POY reading has been in big blocks lately, bulk catch-up because life be cray, yanno- but I never miss a post because I love that you share your refrigerator with us and littles and all the other people lucky to be in your lives.
Thank you for sharing these things, for sharing your heart and posting about it. For sharing your time and house and love and life and attention with these children. We hear so many ugly things about the world…posts like this, hearts like yours and Bjork’s- you are the stars shining through the haze. Don’t mind me, I’m having a Wrinkle in Time moment here.
Love the idea of Emoji Survival Hour. Your posts always make me laugh and that is 100% WIN.
Funny thing: I read my boyfriend the post about Pizza Field Trip With Dogs and showed him the picture of Sage looking so very “whuuuuuut” in the car, and we laugh-snorted, not gonna lie.
Today I showed him the lovely pics of Sage in this post and he said, “Which doggie is that?”
I said, “The one who took the trip to the pizza place with Lindsay that she wrote about in in her blog.”
He replied, “Ohhh. I didn’t recognize her without another dog’s butt on her head.”
Still laughing about it.
I’m new to your site today. God bless you two for seeing a need and filling it. Your act of kindness will surely be remembered by the mother of 3 as well as at least 1 of the little ones.
Thank you! Brought memories of all the Safe Family kids who have passed through our home. We’ve been on a break… Time to get back in the game before we get too soft 🙂
God Bless You!
thanks for sharing…we have been a Safe family host family for 1 year now , you captured so much truth of the joy and ache that comes when we open ourselves to love when it might not be convenient, easy or rational by most people’s standards. We have deep love and care for each of our kiddos, and continue to plead God for love and protection over them and their families. We will never forget them!
Thank you for sharing this. We are an empty nest couple who started having Safe Family placements when our youngest was in high school. Some lasted a few days, a few for many months. Babies to high school students and everything in between. It is so messy and sacrificial and hard, yet what a privilege to be that love and security with skin on to another hurting human. As you pray and decide about future placements, you will reflect on the way that experience changed you for the better and you will know when to say yes again. For me, seeing my husband in that nurturing role with little ones again kindled a deeper love and appreciation for him. Thank you for your witty writing that made your story come to life.
Thank you for opening your hearts and home!And for writing your reflection♡. Spread the word, for those who may be interested in Safe Families for Children , look for a location near you!
http://www.safe-families.org
I was not expecting to read something this beautiful this morning. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a human being lately (partly because I’m pregnant for the first time) and it is very complex and simple at the same time. I feel like we are all the same, with no difference in our worth in regards to age, race, gender, position. I believe that God loves all of us the same and that when we can reach out and love someone else as He does, we truly become lifted from being human to being divine.
All the best to you and your sweet family.
Beautiful post. Authentic and honest. It was so brave of you to post this and it was so touching to me and hundreds of other people who left comments! Love you guys!
I have tears in my eyes after reading this! I don’t get to keep up with your blog as much I’d like on a day-to-day basis anymore (I used to keep up with blogs during lunch breaks when I worked at a bank, but now I work at an inner-city school in Minneapolis so my days are much busier–from time to time I can jump on and read during lunch), but this post is the perfect example of why I love your blog so much. Along with all the delicious food posts you keep things real and honest.
I can’t believe anyone would hop on here and tell you that you made a mistake. If they did, don’t listen to them! You and Bjork did something so amazing and made a difference in the life of those kids and their family. My parents often invited people to stay with us if they were in need or were in the middle of a transition. They were generally adults, but once we had a child stay with us because her dad was trying to get out of an unsafe apartment building. From my experience, the only time it really felt natural to have someone stay with us was when a woman lived with us for two years. I think the length of her stay and having it be open-ended while she lived with us really made a difference in making it feel normal; it’s hard to settle into “normal” life–or a new normal–with an end date in mind. We still keep in close contact with her; she’s become a member of the family. We’re not in touch with any of the others, though. Even though it never felt completely normal while we had people living with us, it becomes a normal living situation to have someone move in and out periodically. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I never batted an eye when I heard that we might have someone moving in. The thing that made it much easier for us is that we mostly had adults stay with us–people who could take care of themselves and had jobs that they left the house for every weekday. Children would definitely have been different!
Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really admire you both for following your heart and trying out something that you felt led to do. You did something huge to help others. If you decide that this isn’t something you should do, you can move forward with the knowledge that you tried and it wasn’t the right fit for you. If you decide to do this again, that’s awesome too.
Thank you for being so honest and down-to-earth. I appreciate when you share your story because the things you two do are so inspiring.
Also, dog-lover here and your dog is absolutely gorgeous! I love seeing pictures of her.
I don’t know you and I’ve only read a handful of your posts (although I’ve made your double chocolate cookies so many times..they are officially now the favorite of my husband, me, and the bachelor who eats with us weekly..and the trick to refrigerate the butter after melting..game changer!!), but I am so proud of you for sharing this post.
You have been given an incredible platform as a very successful blogger. I’m guessing it’s safe to assume that most of your readers come expecting food related posts or the income reports, and then you get to share something so important as opening your home to those who need it..and ultimately you share Jesus.
Thanks for being willing to publish the vulnerable posts as well as the food posts! I’m looking forward to checking in more often!!
I literally never post comments even though I’m a blogger myself … but you had me at “It’s okay to let hard things be hard.” I really needed to hear that tonight. So I just had to say thank you.
I follow your blog from all the way in Dubai, though I am a native of Duluth. I just love to read your recipes and get a little slice of Minnesota in my day. Oh, almost forgot: what you did for those 3 kids was amazing. Keep up the good work. xx
Such a sweet post, Lindsay! I’m a little teary, too, and appreciate your vulnerability! I’m super impressed with you two for taking on such a huge, generous mission! And I agree — hard can be hard and still good. I can’t imagine how much you’ve learned! Thanks for the realness 🙂 xo
Beautiful. Thank you for being available and willing to be Jesus’ hands and feet for those little ones, their mom, and all of us by sharing. You know, my husband laughs at the way I talk about “how Lindsay made it” when I try one of your recipes. He says I’m going to see you in a store some day, start talking to you like we’re old friends, and freak you out. That’s highly unlikely, since we live waaaay on the other side of the country, but, if I do see you, I just might hug your neck, too. 🙂
This is so sweet! I’ll pass this along to Lindsay. 🙂
Things that are good are often hard, and it’s okay… What an incredibly important principle to have in our lives. Sometimes, I think more often than not, the most important things we can do often cost us more in the short term than we think they have the ability to pay us back in the long term – but we are invited to do them anyway, simply because they are right. So proud of you and Bjork for everything you guys do, and everything you guys are about! Well done!
I stumbled across your blog when I was looking for new mealtime inspiration . I started following your blog when I fell in love with your fun, quirky and adventurous personality on top of your delicious recipes (and I mean quirky in the most endearing way). After reading this blog entry, I now have a new found respect for the person behind the blog. While I once only saw the beauty in your cooking, I now see the beauty behind it all. Your kindest, generosity and willingness to share your experience in such an open and honest way is inspiring. Thank you for sharing such a personal journey. I hope others are as inspired as I am by you! Thank you!