A Coffee Date for Spring

Hi! Hello!

My vibes are a little weird this week, to be honest. Seems like a great time to write a bunch of words for the public to read!

I’m really here for two reasons:

1. Lately I’ve found that the little side chats in my life have been extra life-giving. Usually I don’t even know that I need it, but after I have the chance to connect with someone – even just for a quick little text exchange or driveway chat, suddenly things start clicking again and I feel more like myself.
2. I’ve been a little stuck lately, food wise and life wise. I’m blaming the weather – can we do that? I just kind of have the soft blahs, and one of the best ways I know to move through that is to just be real about it. It’s okay to have the blahs. I’ve been here before. The sun will shine again!

So, today let’s do the internet version of a side chat! You’re walking by my house, we stop to say hi, I’m petting your dog and asking you how your kids are and if you’re traveling anywhere for spring break and suddenly we’re talking about anxiety and Severance!

It’s a coffee date.

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Sick Kids, Anxious Mom.

This week on Instagram I shared that our kids have been sick, and that it has taken a real toll on my nervous system. When they’re not doing well, I’m very anxious.

The sicknesses have been very regular. Run of the mill coughs, fevers, ear infections, and sleepless nights. But my nervous system is experiencing all these symptoms as if at any moment I might need to call the ambulance. Which, to be fair, I MIGHT! You just never know, and I mean this seriously, and this is the problem for me.

That hypervigilance, on top of being sick myself and sleeping half the night in my daughter’s tiny twin bed all week, has made me so weary lately.

And what really surprised me is that I heard from so many of you this week who said you feel this, too.

Not just the sick kids at home, but the anxiety that goes along with it. I’ve heard this from real life friends and internet friends. A summary of what I’ve heard from you:

• You feel anxious because your babies are crying but they can’t explain what’s wrong.
• You struggle to decide – is my kid okay? do we need to go to the clinic? ER? what to do?
• You don’t have kids but who feel a high level of anxiety with your pets, who also can’t explain what’s wrong.
• Your kids are grown but you still feel that same anxiety when your kids get sick in their 20s or 30s. Because once a mom, always a mom.
• You are medical professionals – heard this from several people! – and your job is to see sick kids all day, but you still get anxious about your own kids being sick. (Which, honestly, is a bit of a bubble-burster because I’d prefer to keep the thought in my mind that you’re all untouchable heroes who have no fears and know the answers to everything!)

In our story, I know that some of my personal anxieties are made worse from past medical trauma – having had experiences where things were supposed to be fine and then they were not fine at all. I know many of you have had similar experiences, too.

Is this a downer? It might be a downer! Welcome to my brain in March!

Maybe I’ll report back when I figure out how to not get the nervous shakes when the thermometer reads “103.5” or fighting for my life with an adrenaline surge at every middle of the night coughing spell. Or… maybe I’ll be making my way through this for the rest of my life. If you know the secret, feel free to pass it along.

It was really sweet for my heart to hear from many of you this week and it really made me feel less alone, and just less weird. Thank you.

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What I’ve Been Cooking

I’ve made these chicken bowls almost once a week since January, because I’m in love with that cilantro pesto on there.

Also, a hefty amount of berry muffins and carrot cake cupcakes (coming soon – I want them to be just just just right), cottage cheese pizzas, this sweet potato soup many times over, and a lot of buffalo chicken burgers.

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But Also, Kind Of In a Cooking Rut.

Meh. This has to be a pretty normal thing, even for people who like to cook.

I’m not lacking in ideas or interest; I have so many things that sound fun to try and hundreds of recipe ideas floating around in my head.

I think I’m just lacking in the time, space, and energy to execute them well.

The normal demands of life – laundry, school, doctor appointments, work, headlines, cleaning, eat enough protein and lift weights, etc. – have just felt a little more consuming in the last 2-3 months. There isn’t a perfectly tidy and serene little space in the day for me to make a beautiful dinner just the way I want, or, maybe I’m just tired and finding it challenging to create that space.

What I genuinely love about the rut, though, and that slight feeling of stuck-ness, is that I feel a new SOS series coming to life! I’m not just saying this to be positive – I truly love when my real life leads to me try to find solutions to problems that I think we all feel from time to time. And that’s where I’m working right now.

SOS recipes are my bread and butter. My favorites. My most real-lifey. I’ve been a little stuck, but it’s pushed me in a really good direction and I’m excited for what’s coming. I’ll probably roll this new set out in April / May! Stay tuned.

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The Small Joy Of TV

Guys, I love TV right now. Especially when paired with a just-two-huge-cookies cookie.

Our girls are in a season of life where bedtime is fairly consistent, we don’t have nighttime sports or activities or events. Bjork and I almost always watch an hour of TV together at the end of the night, and sitting on the couch, in my jammies, at 9pm, ready to watch a show together is truly one of my happiest places to be.

I have a personal rule that I cannot watch intense or graphic shows – see previous chat about anxiety – so my favorite shows are right on the edge of interesting, catchy, a little thrilling, but nothing overly violent or scary that’s going to keep me up at night.

Current faves, in order of award-winning to most cheesy and lovable:

• Severance
• White Lotus
• Survivor
• Amazing Race
• Occasional Bachelor

Honestly, Severance might be some of the best TV I’ve ever watched. It’s smart and complex and softly-creepy and weird in a great way. And so beautiful! The cinematography! I could talk about this show for a long time.

God bless entertaining TV and those who make it. It’s been one of my small joys lately.

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Solvi Says

I usually do a Sage-says in these coffee date posts, but this month I’ve got a genuinely moving little lesson from my daughter Solvi. She wants us to know:

The way you are made is the way I like it.

You feel behind? Struggle bussing? Like you could be doing better? (ME!)

Guess what – the people who love you are so glad you’re in their lives. The way you are made is the way they like it. Your pets, your kids, your parents, your partners and spouse and friends. They aren’t thinking about your areas for improvement – they’re thinking about how much they love when you laugh, how much they want to go to play at the park with you, and how good they feel when they hug you. They love you just as you are right now.

Be nice to yourself. Being a human is hard. You’re doing great.

Thanks For Being Here.

If you’re here, you’re probably getting our emails or following on Instagram or just checking in from time to time. Thank you – your real, human touch on this corner of the internet is what makes this place joyful for me.

I hope you feel loved today!

And if you’re an anxious mom when your kids are sick… ME, TOO! Xo