This post is part of a ten-post series I’m sharing about the life and loss of our son, Afton. Click here to read more of Afton’s story.
A few days after we returned from the hospital, I received this letter from our NICU nurse, Megan. She was Afton’s primary nurse for the short time he got to be in little NICU room #44. We are forever grateful for this letter and even more so for the way she cared for our son.
Dear Afton,
I met your Dad first. He is full of kindness and was incredibly steady, he is your biggest cheerleader. His gratefulness for those caring for you was one of a kind.
I met your mom soon after when she came down to pump at your bedside after an emergency C-section, which is quite a feat. She sat in a wheelchair and pumped milk (impressive), she is incredibly strong, protective and nurturing.
Your oxygen levels were concerning me, so I opened your isolette to give a full assessment, and we met for the first time. As we problem-solved, gave you medications, took X-rays, and made changes to your ventilator, I changed your tiny diaper, I swabbed some breast milk in your mouth and you gave the sweetest little suck. I whispered, “you are strong, you are brave and you are so loved, now fight sweet boy.” And you did.
When your parents came back to your bedside to receive the hardest news, that your lungs were too premature and our efforts weren’t helping you become more stable, they wept and the pain was visible on their faces. Yet with eagerness, they sat to hold you for the very first time. The minute your body was against your momma’s chest, your oxygen saturations climbed higher than they had all night. You were telling us, this is where you were safest, this is where you wanted to be and you were fighting for these moments.
In all the chaos of giving medications, drawing labs, and many people hovering outside your room, there was a protective bubble of love that held just the three of you.
Your heartbeat faded and we made footprints of your long feet, and handprints of your perfect hands. I loved admiring your button nose. Then your parents bathed you for the first time, it was a moment filled with gentleness and love. They admired everything about you. Your mom put you in a new diaper and swaddled you up. You were kissed, sung to, read to and infinitely loved.
Your life, though brief sweet Afton, changed mine. I will always remember you.
Your nurse,
Megan
Thank you, Megan. You were just who we needed. šš
PS. Is he not the cutest lil one pounder? HIS NOSE. š
Tears ran down my face as I read this. Your love for your son Afton was so tangible that she could feel it and it changed not just your life but hers.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am 8 years old. My little sister had a brain injury when she was born, and she lived. I wish Afton lived too. Iām sorry for your loss again.
I’m a nurse and though I work in ICU, I could never work with neonates. I can’t imagine what you and your husband went through, but I am so glad you had such an amazing nurse to help you through it.
She will indeed remember sweet Afton forever. Some patients just don’t go away <3
I’m working my way (backwards, story of my life:) through your series. I can’t stop crying because the love is so palpable. With kids of my own, I can relate to that overwhelming love. What a wonderful nurse š
Nurses just sometimes know the exact moment they are needed and the exact right thing to say. What a sweet keepsake for you! Another perspective to let you know that you weren’t the only people pulling for Afton and caring for him.
What an indescribable blessing to have that nurse with such a beautiful soul!
I’m reading Afton’s story in one go, and this is how far I made it before crying. Thank you for sharing his story. His life was beautiful.
I am very grieved by your ordeal. My only child, delivered by c-section also had breathing and lung problems. We didn’t know how things would work out. He’said 40 years old now, and while right now probably isn’t the time to think of future family, I hope the joy of having carried a child will sustain you both. Much sympathy. Virginia
God Bless NICU nurses. They have such a difficult job and make such a difference in the world. What a heartfelt and compassionate letter.
So many tears. Praise God for such sweet, amazing nurses like Megan. So incredible that she sent you guys this letter.
I am praying for you and your precious family. I wanted to chime in and say I love the color photo of Bjork and Afton. Seeing those precious features of Afton’s face in color is so special. He is blessed to have you both as mom and dad, your love and care for him are shining through these posts.
I am so incredibly touched by your story. Not only because I can feel your heartbreak in every word you write. But I can also feel the love and the strength, and I admire how in your hours of despair you still managed to give your child everything it needed, everything you had in you to give. Somehow it gives me hope to know that it seems possible to focus on the love and the gratitude to have had this little person in your life, even if it was just for such a short time, instead of raging against the fate that was thrown at you. You are truly good and strong people.
I think all NICU nurses are a special breed. I met so many wonderful nurses when our daughter was in the NICU. How sweet that Megan wrote to Afton. Your posts are heart wrenching and you are in my prayers daily. Love and hugs.
He looks like Bjork! Megan is a very special nurse and I am glad she took care of you guys. As a former NICU, PICU, and Peds CVICU nurse, I know the special relationship that develops between some of your patients and families. She won’t forget sweet Afton as I haven’t forgotten countless babies and families I cared for over the years. Praying for your continued healing.
I was reading part 6 and accidentally hit the first click button not intending to limit your posts to recipes only. I may not get to all the messages right away but feel such an outpouring of love and sincerity in everything about beautiful Afton.
May you feel heartfelt prayers strengthening each of you.
Your story has deeply touched my heart. I will be praying daily for you and your husband! I’m so sorry for your loss. God bless you all. God bless Afton
Life is so precious!
Your strength is inspiring! God bless you both, sweet Afton and nurse Megan.
This is such a gift to get this letter. Nurses are amazing – especially the ones that work in the NICU. My daughter was in the NICU when she was born in 2015 and the nurses there helped carry us through. Love to you.
He is beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully madeā¤ Continuing to lift you both in my prayers.
Your story has touched me in so many ways. God put Megan in your lives just when you needed her most. I was a NICU nurse and as much as you appreciate her, we appreciate and love parents like you and feel the depth of your pain. So many people will carry Afton in their hearts and lift and support you both. I know it has been both difficult and healing to share but through your story, you and your son have touched many lives. God bless you.
What a blessing to have such a kind, compassionate nurse for your sweet Afton. Keeping you both in my prayers.
God bless this nurses and all of the nurses who care for premature babies. Their jobs must be so difficult, yet so rewarding. What a beautiful letter nurse Megan wrote, and what a treasure to keep. Blessings to all of you.
Lindsay, I’ve been crying my way through your story. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I too have lost a son, and I wish I could give you a hug. Our loss was in April 2016 at 38 weeks pregnant and not a day or an hour goes by that I don’t ache for my son. I wish I had the words to fix your pain, but sadly I don’t. Your sweet Afton would be so proud of your strength and your ability to share your story. Be gentle on yourself. Sending you and your husband much love.
Thank you Michelle. So much love to you and your sweet boy.
Lindsay, my husband follows your blog, always on the look out for new, delicious recipes. He told me you were pregnant, about a week ahead of me…and then he started sharing Afton’s story with me. You and Bjork are so very strong. We sat and looked at the pictures for a while, while my heart fell to the floor. I feel so invested in Afton’s story and, while, every new story brings me to tears, I am so thankful to read them. I feel like I know him, and you guys. The positive outlook you share on life makes me warm inside. May God’s grace cover you and help you heal. May you find peace in one another. Thank you so very much for sharing these stories with us. I’ll never forget them, they have etched a sweet little spot in my heart. Thank you.
Thank you Jessica, that means a lot. Wishing you all the best with your new baby in May. š