Hi, my name is Lindsay.
Mother’s Day is coming up and I’m thinking about this a lot because I am that friend. The one who lost a baby.
I am probably the friend who you’re tiptoeing around. I might be the friend who has become a major social weirdo and cancels plans last-minute. I am the friend who you’re not sure about inviting to a baby shower. I’m the friend who might have unfollowed you on social media when you announced that you were pregnant (read: I did. I definitely did. I just need to be sad right now.). I can’t relate to your normal-mom conversations about late-night feedings and nap schedules and which is the best jogging stroller. The truth is, I have experienced motherhood in a unique and powerful way, but I feel left out and confused about my identity as a mom.
On January 1st, 2017, in Room 44 of the NICU at Children’s Hospital, I became this friend. I held my first and only son Afton as he died in my arms. He was just one day old.